FRUSTRATED!!!

Do you ever just get frustrated? Just when you think that things are finally starting to go good...BOOM! You get side struck.
When I received my degree in TN it was for a K-8 certification. On top of that, I had taken a test that gave me the status of "highly qualified" for Reading and Language Arts in the seventh and eighth grades. Well, that isn't doing me much good these days. I am teaching in KY now. Before they could hire me I had to get my KY certification. Its a rather simple process. I just sent in a ton of paperwork and they filed it and sent me my certification. Well KY and TN have different standards or something, so my K-8 TN certification only transferred to K-5 in KY and KY doesn't recognize my highly qualified status. Therefore, I had to take a test in order to obtain my Middle School Language Arts certification. I bought the study guide, which was not cheap, and I began studying. That didn't last long for the simple fact that none of the information in the guide made any sense to me. I was completely lost! Most of the information it said I would be tested on I had never learned. High school nor college had prepared me properly for that test. What was I supposed to do? I tried looking at the study guide but every time I opened it I felt more and more frustrated and discouraged. So I went in on a Saturday to take the test and I felt a little confident and a little un-confident. I guess you could say I was about 50/50. I wasn't really sure what to expect. The test was extremely hard. Most of the questions I had no clue what it was talking about. It would say, "From which novel is this passage taken from?" and I hadn't even heard of most of the novels. I had never read them or studying them. When I was finished I felt relieved that it was over, but frustrated because I wasn't sure if I had done well enough to pass.
It usually takes about four weeks to get your results back. This past Monday I went home and discovered that they were there in my mailbox. For the state of KY you must have scored at least a 157. Want to know what my score was????? 152. I failed by 5 points. Over $200 down the drain.
When I got to school the next day I spoke with the assistant principal to find out what this meant for my job. The state of KY requires that you do a one year internship program. I was supposed to start mine this month. Well, because I did not pass the test, I cannot start the program. I can retake the test later on but that doesn't change things right now. Worst case scenario they might have to cut my pay. That's a huge deal for me though. I cannot afford a pay cut!
Even if things stay the same its still really depressing. My first year of teaching was not a successful experience and I just really needed and wanted this year to be great! Some days I feel like I am reaching these kids and other days I wonder what I'm even doing here. Each child in my class has a special place in my heart. It still amazes me how easily we can fall in love with these children. Some are more difficult to love than others, but even they have special places in my heart. Some days I want to run screaming from the building and other days I just want to hug them and tell them that I care and I love them. I wonder if some of these kids ever get told that they are loved. I have one student in particular that has truly touched my heart this year. I'm not really sure why, but a part of me thinks that he is why I was sent here to this school. I'm not sure exactly how I am supposed to help him just yet, but I know that he needs me in his life. I love this kid to pieces and would do anything for him. Strangely enough, a hug from this one kid can make any rotten day better. He just holds something special inside him. It's like he doesn't realize his true potential yet and he is too scared or unwilling to just let it out. I think that if he ever really digs down deep inside himself he will find that he has the ability to do so much. He's one of these kids who I really believe if they set their mind to it, they could achieve whatever goals they set. I don't know why I am so passionate about this one student. Maybe its because God knew that he needed me more than any of the others do. I'll probably never fully understand it and I'm probably not meant to.
Another thing that I have been thinking about lately is my purpose here on earth. I was reading in my bible that God designed a specific purpose for each person. Some people were given the purpose of healing, some teaching, some leading, etc. I wonder what my purpose is? Most of the time I truly believe my purpose is to teach, but teach what? Am I supposed to be in public schools and if so with what grade/subject? Maybe God intended for me to teach in the ministry field or in a more private setting with smaller groups of children. I have no clue what the specifics of my purpose are. I wish I did though.
I'm having a bad week. I know that we all have them from time to time, but knowing that doesn't change the fact that this week sucks! I also know that there are other people in this world with bigger problems than mine and that I should be grateful that I don't have to go through what they are suffering, but knowing that doesn't help either. I'm still frustrated and that's just how it is!!
Well, now that I have vented! Whew!!!!! That's a little better!

An update

Well I figure its about time for an update. I did get a job. I am now teaching 6th and 8th grade at Fulton County Middle School in Hickman, KY. Its challenging but interesting. They keep me on my toes and no day is just like the one before.
My first day of school I was welcomed by an 8th grade boy in a way that I did not expect. I was walking up and down the rows introducing some rules and classroom procedures when one of my students made a comment about how sexy I was. Now, normally I would be flattered if a someone said I was sexy, but this was coming from a 13 year old boy, who happened to be my student and lets just say that isn't exactly appropriate. It took me a few seconds to process what he had said and then I did the only thing I knew to do. I turned around and just point blank told him that I would not tolerate that kind of behavior in my classroom and if he couldn't manage to follow my rules then he better not come back to my class. I didn't have too many problems out of him after that. As a matter of fact, now days he is one of my favorite students.
This year seems to be going by fast one day and very slow the next day. By Christmas time I will be wondering where the first half of the year has gone.
Nothing else has changed much. Well, I finally moved out of my grandfather's and got my own place. Its a two bedroom house. It has its faults but all in all I love it. I love having a place to call my own!

Life is good!