Its all up in the air!

I feel like it is all up in the air. By all, I do mean everything. I have no job for starters. I got my degree in Elementary Education but that means nothing. I do have one school, yes only one, out of all the schools that I applied to that would like to hire me. But just my luck it is in Kentucky. Having a KY license is not the problem, because I went ahead and did the paperwork for that and got approved for certification. However, it only gave me eligibility in K-5Th grade. Go figure the position this school wants me for is 6-8 Language Arts. So now the principal is checking to see if there is any way she can hire me. But, who knows how it will turn out. I did however, go to Hamilton-Ryker not too long ago just in case and I got a call back on an office job at Goodyear. Its sounds promising. The last I heard from anyone they said that they would want me to start immediately once my background check came back. Well, I know for a fact that it will come back clear so all I'm doing now is waiting.

I feel like I am waiting for so many different things. I'm waiting to hear about a job. I'm waiting for money. I'm waiting on a job so that I can get out on my own again. Gosh I miss that! I'm waiting to feel complete and I'm waiting to find the right man. You know that one who will love me for all that I am and even for what I'm not. He will accept my strengths and weaknesses and he will encourage me to become a better woman and he will encourage me to become a stronger Christian. When I was in high school and even while I was in college I knew that I was continuously searching for that one guy. I dated some, but it was never right. I did find one guy who I thought was the one, but he must not have been because we are no longer together. It has taken me a while to realize that we are better off apart, but I see it now. I think over the past years I have grown wiser. My faith has grown as well. It amazes me though. I am such a stronger Christian now than I was several years ago, and yet I am not as strong as I want to be. I wonder if we will ever be as strong as we want to be. I think that no matter what we do or how we live our lives we can always work harder at our faith and Christianity. There is always something more that we can do.

In saying that, I also want to say that finding a man who is strong in his faith is so very important to me but it seems so hard to find. I can meet a guy and I can date a guy, but I don't want just any guy. I want a Christian. That seems like such a simple request. Its strange though. I know some really amazing Christian guys, but they are not right for me. Maybe I still have some more growing to do before I meet the right guy. I don't know. All I do know is that I feel ready. I'm 25 and I am ready for a life that includes marriage and one day children. I want nothing more than to be a wife and mother (all in the natural order of things).

Well, I guess first things are first though. I need to find a job and a good one. One that will actually provide for me. I don't really care if it is one that incorporates my degree or not. If I teach that's fine, if I don't that's fine too. I went into the education department because I LOVE children. Maybe I misinterpreted that. Maybe I am meant to be a mother, an aunt, a big sister, and a friend to children, instead of being a teacher to them. Of course with any one of those above mentioned roles I would also have the title as teacher. When you are surrounded by a child, there is always opportunity to teach. All I'm saying is maybe I am meant to use those "teaching" talents in other ways than as a "classroom teacher". I'm not sure, but right now I am open to any career opportunity and I am also open to love.

Its all up in the air right now, and I'm here on the ground waiting with my arms wide open to receive it all!

So Much

This is a song I wrote on March 12, 2006. It wasn't really relevant at the time to my life, but a year later after an unwanted breakup that I have had a hard time accepting it is relevant and very true to my life.

SO MUCH

How do I achieve it

How do I believe it

How do I even dream

Without you here with me

I'm trying to find the passion

I'm trying to find the love

Without you here to love

Chorus:

'Cause there's so much to hope for

So much to dream of

There's so much to reach for

and so much to love

Well it used to be you and me

It used to be us

It used to be pure harmony

And then we lost our trust

So here I am without you

And here I am alone

Here I am discovering

Just how much I've grown

Chorus:

And there's so much to hope for

So much to dream of

There's so much to reach for

and so much to love.

Bridge:

I'm going to do it

I'm going to fight

I'm going to live my life

With all of my might

Cause there's so much to hope for

So much to dream of

There's so much to reach for

and so much to love

Yeah, there's so much to love

Well, alone isn't so scary

Alone is just what I need

Alone I can do it

Without you I am free

I've dreamed and I've wished

I've hoped all my days

I've always been a little scared

Trying to find my way

But now I'm not so scared

Now I am free

Now I can finally

discover how to be me.

Chorus:

Cause there's so much to hope for

So much to dream of

There's so much to reach for

and so much to love.

Yeah there's so much to hope for

I'm going to hope for it

So much to dream for

and I'm going to dream

There's so much to reach for

I'm going to reach for it

So much to love

Well I'm going to love

Yeah I'm going to love

I will love!

Can't think of a good title

This past weekend was great. It was busy, but still great! Friday night after work I drove to Smithland, KY for a rehearsal dinner to one of my best friend's wedding. It was a very nice rehearsal dinner. Then I drove home and about fell asleep! :) Saturday, after very little sleep, I got up and drove to Justin's. For those of you who don't know who Justin is...he is one of my best friends ever and he was my date to the wedding. The wedding didn't start until 5 and we arrived at the church at 12:30. Justin sat around all afternoon with nothing to do and the worst part was he didn't know a soul. He's a trooper and I love him to pieces!
The wedding was beautiful! Jennifer (the bride) looked stunning. I've never seen her sparkle so much! Afterwards we had a great time at the reception. The best part of the night though, was the drive home. Justin and I had a blast just talking and singing along to the radio.
Sunday, after church, I went to a baby shower for my friend Paige. She is having a baby girl. So you see it was a busy weekend, but definitely full of good times and happiness!

This week has not been as great. I have just felt blah! We had a time change, so I suppose that is part of it. That horrible cough that I thought was going away decided to stick around and get a little worse. My chest just aches. When I breath and especially when I cough.
Work hasn't been great either. We've had some rude people in this week. Two local businesses turned out to be complete morons and jerks, but its their loss (right Carrie?).

Then to top it all off, death creeps in. You know we all make friends throughout our different stages of life. We don't always keep in touch with every friend we've ever made. There are some we choose to forget, some we want to forget, and some we don't even realize we have forgotten. Then there are those friends, who no matter how much or how little you talk or see each other, you NEVER want to forget. Whether it be because they made some huge impact in your life, or if they just always knew how to make you smile....you never want to forget them. The friend that is on my mind today is a friend I had in high school. I have not seen him since. We have, however, keep in touch through emails and such. Thank God for the Internet! I didn't realize how much I had missed his friendship until we started talking again. He was always a good friend. He knew how to make me smile and he knew the importance of being a true friend! His name was Jeremy Lee. Tuesday morning, Jeremy died in a car accident. He hit the edge of a driveway and it sent his car airborne. He was driving his convertible and when the car flipped in the air he flew out (no seat belt on). He was pronounced dead at the scene. Jeremy was 25.
A tragedy like this really makes you think about life. Who in your life do you need to check in on? Who in your life needs to know how much you care about them? Who in your life just needs to know you are there? Jeremy sent me a message on March 10th on myspace and I replied to it on March 11th calling him silly and telling him how much I missed him. On his myspace page it tells when he last logged in, which was March 10th. Jeremy never got to see my response.
Let the people in your life know that you are here and that you care.

For Tommy

Ok Tommy, this blog is just for you! In my last blog I said I thought I was almost over "it". "It" being my horrible cough. Well, I'm not coughing as often now, but when I do it hurts like crazy. I get this sharp pain in my chest when I cough and then sometimes when I just breath it hurts too. My friend, who is a nurse, said I might have an infection in my lungs, but since I have no insurance and the health department is a horrible place, I am going to be optimistic and believe that I don't. That's probably stupid and I should probably go to the health department, but really they won't do what is necessary for you unless you have insurance, and that kind of defeats the whole purpose of a health department. Anyway, TOMMY......here is your update!

Aside from the cough, I am very anxious for spring! It seems to get warm for a day or two then turn miserably cold again, but its March so spring isn't far away!

My birthday is coming up in a couple weeks (March 18th). I am usually very excited about my birthday, because its one day during the year that is all about me. That sounds conceited, but its true! However, this year I'm not so thrilled. I will be turning 25. Now I know that 25 is not old, but I thought I would have a lot more accomplished by this time.
For my 25th birthday life has decided to give me my first noticeable wrinkle. Its my laugh lines so its not that bad, but still....I can see them when I'm not smiling. :( Part of growing up I suppose. I am excited about my car insurance going down. That will be nice. But aside from that I am having a hard time accepting this birthday. Of course that doesn't mean that I won't accept any gifts. I can be bitter about turning 25 and still accept gifts!! :) Oh, that's awful of me!

I'm going tomorrow to FINALLY get a TN driver's license. I have officially lived in TN for almost 7 years now. I think its about time, don't you?

I'm also going to drop off some teaching applications to some of the local schools tomorrow, so say a prayer for me. I really need to get a teaching job this year, if nothing more than to just have insurance again and a steady paycheck. No seriously, I do miss being in a classroom. A part of me thinks that I'd be happy in a middle school environment, but then they have a lot of attitude. Of course, so do I so it might work. Then, I think that getting to do cute crafts with the younger ones is fun too. I'm not really in a position to be picky so I guess I'll take what I can get, but just pray that the Lord puts me where he thinks I belong!

God Bless!

I think I'm almost over it!!!

I think I'm almost over it! If you are wonder what "it" is then you obviously haven't been around me in the past week. My Winterfest travelers know what I am talking about and poor Carrie and Tommy do to. I have had some kind of chest congestion crap that I can't seem to shake. The coughing has been the most nerve-racking part. I just can't seem to cough hard enough to get rid of this stuff. Anyway, I'm feeling better so maybe I'm almost over it.

This past weekend my friends Debra, Lauren, Cecil, Justin and I went to Winterfest in Gatlinburg, TN. It is a Church of Christ convention for teens. Our church has always gone in the past but this year the elders decided against it, but the five of us didn't let that stop us from a cherished tradition. We had a blast! The theme this year was "The Prize" The prize being heaven of course. The question at the end of the weekend was "What's your purpose?" So I ask each of you.....What is your purpose?

This coming weekend our church is participating in Bible Bowl. The teens, junior high, and elementary students have been working really hard and studying almost every Sunday afternoon in order to prepare. I am really excited and I hope that they all do well!!

Well, say a prayer for our Bible Bowl team!

Mondays......BLAH!

My Monday did not start off very good. This morning I woke up and discovered that I had no hot water. We had plenty of cold water - ice cold as a matter of fact, but there was no hot water which is what I desperately wanted. I needed a shower this morning. Skipping it was not an option so I had to through my stuff in a bag and rush to my dad's house. Well starting your morning off with an 11 year old who is extremely cranky and yelling and throwing a fit like she is 2 is not a pleasant thing. I wanted to strangle her for the way she was behaving and it was all because my step-mom wouldn't make her any waffles. Well, in my step-mom's defense she didn't have time to make any waffles. Whitney (my sister) was already running behind on getting ready for school and waiting around for waffles was not in the schedule. UGH!!! She really can be a brat sometimes.
Then last night I discovered one of my tires was low. I had air put in it but this morning I was worried that it would go flat due to a leak or something. So the entire time I'm in my car I'm thinking....what will I do if I get a flat? I'm a girl....I know nothing about cars. I know, I know, I know some girls do, but not this one. My dad has tried to teach me but it just hasn't sunk in. I check my oil and thats about it. Anyway, I got it taken care of this afternoon. I took an hour lunch and took it to a place here in Mayfield. It cost $10 to fix it. Apparently it was leaking around the wheel so they sealed it up. However, the guy said keep an eye on it, which makes me nervous that it is going to go flat while I'm driving. I don't like having to worry about my car.
Then, just to make today more like a Monday, we have been swamped at work. This morning from 8-11 the phone did not stop ringing. I am not exagerrating. Seriously, as soon as I would set the stupid thing down it would ring again. I was about ready to scream, through something or just pull my hair out. After lunch it hasn't rang as much which is nice. The worst part about it ringing non-stop this morning was that I had a huge stack of files to prepare and put away and just as soon as I got one organized and ready to put together the phone would ring and get me distracted. But anyway, that just life. If its not hectic then it is extremely boring.

Hopefully Tuesday will be better!

Ski Trip

This Saturday our church youth group took a trep to Eureka, MO to go skiing at Hidden Valley Ski Resort. There were 12 of us who went and there were several who went with a neighboring church. We had a really good time. We left the church around 6:30 am. One of the kids thought it was a good idea to bring a small tv and playstation along so that we could all play Guitar Hero on the way. The problem was, other than the fact that it took up space, you couldn't listen to the radio. We tried it but having the radio playing along with the sounds of the guitar was very annoying. By the time we finally got up there everyone was excited and ready to ski. It took a while to get the equipment. I didn't actually ski. Mostly because I didn't have the $50 to spend and plus I have no health insurance so if I had gotten hurt I'd be S.O.L. But it was fun to watch everyone else. Besides, after hearing the first couple of "I thought I was going to die..." stories, I figured I was probably safer not skiing. After several hours of standing in the freezing cold we finally packed up to go. On the way home we all snuggled in and passed out. I slept in an uncomfortable position because hte next day when I woke up my back hurt.

All in all it was a really good trip. THe kids had a really good time. We got home around 11:30 that night.