Ski Trip

This Saturday our church youth group took a trep to Eureka, MO to go skiing at Hidden Valley Ski Resort. There were 12 of us who went and there were several who went with a neighboring church. We had a really good time. We left the church around 6:30 am. One of the kids thought it was a good idea to bring a small tv and playstation along so that we could all play Guitar Hero on the way. The problem was, other than the fact that it took up space, you couldn't listen to the radio. We tried it but having the radio playing along with the sounds of the guitar was very annoying. By the time we finally got up there everyone was excited and ready to ski. It took a while to get the equipment. I didn't actually ski. Mostly because I didn't have the $50 to spend and plus I have no health insurance so if I had gotten hurt I'd be S.O.L. But it was fun to watch everyone else. Besides, after hearing the first couple of "I thought I was going to die..." stories, I figured I was probably safer not skiing. After several hours of standing in the freezing cold we finally packed up to go. On the way home we all snuggled in and passed out. I slept in an uncomfortable position because hte next day when I woke up my back hurt.

All in all it was a really good trip. THe kids had a really good time. We got home around 11:30 that night.

Angels

My boss Carrie and I had a conversation today about three very special girls that we know. We attend church with Lindsey(21), Stacey(22), and Kylee(5), and they are very unique and incredibly sweet girls. This led me to want to post a poem that I wrote July 23, 2002 about people as special as they are.

ANGELS

How are we to know who God's angels are...

How are we to know whether they're near or far?

God created all; everything we see,

He created life; even you and me.

He sends us angels each and everyday

They're here to guide us and protect us along the way.

I have often wished that I had my own

Someone I could just call on the telephone

But one day I was looking around

and was completely shocked at what I had found

I found there are angels everywhere

They're always here, and they care

An angel may not be,

what you would expect to see

They don't have halos around their head

and at night they don't tuck you into bed

They are the people who shine so bright

They have heaven in their hearts and are filled with God's light

They see life without all the troubles

its as if they lived in a bubble

They live in a happy daze

They don't get lost in that evil maze.

They know pain, hurt and sorrow

But they're optimistic and can't wait for tomorrow

Their hearts are filled with nothing but love

Its obvious they were sent from us above.

They're here to remind us of what is real,

to forget the pain, to just feel.

To feel God's love, to open our arms

so he can rescue us from life's harm

They're filled with simplicity and God's holy light

Their hearts sing a song, while their eyes shine bright

I believe they were sent to glorify earth,

to bless our lives - beginning at birth.

Angels may not be perfect to the eyes of all,

but to our hearts they send s special call

They call to our hearts, to the depths of our souls

They call to our mind, to our life's goals

They make us think twice abut our path

They make us think twice about God's wrath

They open our eyes to what is true

They open their hearts to both me and you

God's angels are all around

and we are so lucky to have three we've found.

To Lindsey, Stacey and Kylee - you are all truly God's angels and I thank God everyday for blessing my life with friends like you.

Stupid People Annoy Me

Stupid People Annoy Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From the time I left work yesterday until I got to work today I have been surrounded by stupid people. For starters.... last night I pulled into Walgreens to pick up a few things. I got out of my car and looked to my left and there was about a 7-9 month old baby in his car seat in the back. The car was running and there was no adult in sight. I was pissed. Do people not watch the news anymore. How many cases have we seen on TV where babies have been left in the car and died? Hello people! I was on the phone with my father at the time who suggested calling the police because this is illegal to leave a child unattended in a car. A few vehicles down I noticed this couple in their truck watching the baby too. Several thoughts ran through my head....Are they wanting to snatch the baby? Are they concerned just like me? Did the mother ask them to keep an eye on the baby while she ran into the store? It scared me to see this child in that car alone. At first he was all smiles, but then the poor thing started crying. So here I am standing out in the freezing cold parking lot trying to make goofy faces at this sweet child while talking on the phone and not getting too close to the car. I'm sure I looked sane! So I waited and I waited for the idiot parent to come outside. Then this nice looking, respectfully dressed woman comes out with a small bag (that she probably thought would take no time at all to purchase) and gets in her car. I wanted to scream at her and tell her how stupid that was. That was last night's event.
Then this morning when I'm making my 35 minute drive to work, every idiot in the world was on the road between Union City and Mayfield. UGH!!!!! I passed by 4 or 5 people who were swerving out of their lane and into the passing one. I don't know about you but I can eat, drink, talk on the phone, put makeup on, etc.... without swerving like they were. As I was passing by this one guy who had been swerving in and out for about 5 minutes I looked at him with disgust and he held his cigarette and lighter up at me like he was trying to tell me that he was trying to like his cig. I don't care if he was trying to light is butt of fire, he shouldn't have been doing it if he wasn't capable of driving his car at the same time. STUPID PEOPLE!! Then there was a near accident involving some really huge semi trucks but thank goodness that didn't happen. Hopefully we won't have a bunch of stupid people come into the office today because I don't think I could handle it!

This one's gonna be long

Ok, this one is going to be long...not that any of mine are ever really short, but anyway. I love to write; I love to put my thoughts down on paper, or in this case, down on the computer. It clears my brain some.
My best friend is getting married in April. I have been there through this relationship from the very beginning. I remember the first night she came home after meeting him....she was not "head-over-hills" by any means. Josh kind of had to grow on her. I am very happy for them. Steph asked me to be her maid-of-honor. This is a big honor for me considering she has so many close friends. I really thought she would have picked her cousin or one of her friends from high school, but she picked me! I'm taking this maid-of-honor title very serious. I want to be great at my job! I'm trying to get her to select a date for a wedding shower, but that is easier said than done. Then I will get to plan a bachelorette party! Woo-hoo!!! But my most important concern is the wedding itself. I want to make sure Steph's day is a stress-free as possible. I haven't the slightest clue how to obtain this goal, but I'm working on it! Since I love to write so much and express myself in this way, I wanted to write a poem for Steph and Josh and possibly read it at the rehearsal dinner or even at the reception. This idea makes Steph a little squirmish. She knows how girly and sentimental I can get and she is a little scared by this. Well, I have had no luck on coming up with a poem. All my thoughts about Josh and Stephanie have to do with the whole "gang" of us instead of just the two of them. So, I decided to look through some poetry books and other books that I have to come up with some inspiring words. I'm not sure how I am going to use them or even if I will but this is what I found. Let me know what you think!

~One cannot give what he does not posses. To give love you must posses love.

~One cannot teach what he does not understand. To teach love you must comprehend love.

~One cannot know what he does not study. To study love you must live in love.

~One cannot appreciate what he does not recognize. To recognize love you must be receptive to love.

~One cannot have doubt about that which he wishes to trust. To trust love you must be convinced of love.

~One cannot admit what he does not yield to. To yield to love you must be vulnerable to love.

~One cannot live what he does not dedicate himself to. To dedicate yourself to love you must be forever growing in love.

Love is like a mirror. When you love another you become his mirror and he becomes yours...and reflecting each other's love you see infinity.

We find love in many things, though we know its not a thing in the sense that it cannot be bought or sold or weighed or measured. Love can only be given, expressed freely. It can't be captured or held, for its neither there to tie nor to hold. Its in everyone and everything in varying degrees and awaits actualization. Its not apart from the self. Love and the self are one. There are no kinds of love; love is love; there are only degrees of love. Love is trusting, accepting, believing, without guarantee. Love is patient and waits, but its an active waiting, not a passive one. For it is continually offering itself in mutual revealing, a mutual sharing. Love is spontaneous and craves expression through joy, through beauty, through truth, even through tears. Love lives in the moment; its neither lost in yesterday nor does it crave for tomorrow. Love is NOW!

Love is always changing and always learning. Love offers the greatest flexibility. It asks only that we accept behavior as it is expressed in the knowledge that this behavior is not permanent. It is not a matter of forgiving. Forgiving, in a sense, is condescending. It is a matter of accepting the person unconditionally for what he is at the moment, realizing that what he is today is not what he will be tomorrow. A lover is, then, constantly watching, listening, waiting, feeling, adjusting, readjusting, and changing.

FREEZING

It is absolutely freezing outside and it isn't much warmer in the office. Carrie has been out running errands for a good portion of the day so its just been me here in the office and I'm bored. The phone hasn't rang much and like 2 people have come in - that's all. Nothing else. I have ran out of things to do on the Internet, so if anyone has any suggestions please let me know.
I was looking at my blog page earlier and I thought to myself...."Does anyone read these?" I sent out an email and I think I even posted something on myspace for people to check it out but I have no clue if anyone has, except for my friend Michelle because she left me a comment. Anyway, just wondering.
I feel the need to post another poem, even though I don't know if they are getting read. I wrote this one and it turned out to be more in a song form than an actual poem. I have no music written to it, although I have a tune in my head, and I don't know if it would even sound good as a song but here it is:

Changes

I thought life had begun with a glimpse into your eyes

and life had ended when you said goodbye

I thought my heart was broken without you by my side

I thought I'd have to find a corner, turn out the lights and hide

But everybody changes

Everybody moves on

Everybody grows up

Everybody leaves home

And I don't really care anymore about who you are

No, I don't really care anymore whether you're near or far

Cause everybody changes

Well my days went on and my heart began to heal

loosing you opened my eyes to how I truly feel

And I can't believe I didn't see what you were trying to do to me

And I can't believe I tried to change just to please you

But everybody changes

Everybody moves on

Everybody grows up

Everybody leaves home

And I don't really care anymore what you choose to think of me

And I don't really care anymore about who you want me to be

Cause everybody changes

Yeah everybody changes

Everybody moves on

Everybody grows up

Everybody leaves home

And I don't really care anymore about who you are

And I don't really care anymore whether you're near or far

Cause everybody changes

Everybody grows up

Everybody moves on

Everybody leaves home

And I don't really care anymore about who you are

And I don't really care anymore whether you're near or far

And I don't really care anymore what you choose to think of me

And I don't really care anymore who you want me to be

Cause everybody changes

Everybody moves on

Everybody grows up

Everybody leaves home

And everybody changes

I wrote this one July 1, 2004

Brother

My mom, step-dad, and I are going to visit my brother tomorrow. I am very excited but a little nervous too. My brother is in LaGrange, KY in jail. Well, technically right now he is in the mental hospital area of the jail for 30 days to be evaluated. I'm excited to see him because its been so long, but I'm nervous to see him in that kind of environment. I think the majority of the time I prefer to think of him as just being away somewhere as opposed to thinking that he is in jail. I love my brother, don't get my wrong, but sometimes I get so angry at him. He has put my family through so much. My mom has stressed more than her fair share over him. I don't think I can remember a time when he wasn't causing some form of stress. Now they think that he may have some mental problems. It would explain a lot if he did. I just want him home though. But when he is home he causes more stress than when he is away somewhere, even if it is jail. I guess what I want is him home, but without the problems, but who knows if that will ever be possible. He is a good man. He has a heart that, in a sense, is still innocent and very fragile. I worry about him. I want him to have a life. I want him to be happy and to find love. He doesn't believe in himself though. How can anyone have those things if they don't even believe in themselves. How can anyone else believe in them when they don't believe in themselves. I pray about him all the time. I pray that God will carry him through the difficult times and watch over and protect him. I don't know what else I can do for him other than pray. I guess, if you are ready this you could say a prayer for him too. He can use all the prayers he can get! Thanks!

The Army

Yesterday wasn't the best day. One of my best friends has decided to join the Army. I am very proud of him for choosing a path in life and jumping straight in, but its still the Army and with our country at war, its terrifying. My mind has already thought of most of the "what ifs" and I am going to miss him like crazy when he goes off for training and especially when he gets sent to Iraq. We haven't always been best buds, but here lately we have gotten closer. I remember when I first started going to Parkway Church of Christ I had the biggest crush on him and at that time he was just this skinny little kid, but there was just something about him. On one of my first church trips I spilled my guts to him about everything in my life. Justin knows every little secret and juicy detail. I've always felt 100% comfortable sharing with him. Then I was in college and busy with life and we grew apart. This summer, while I was dating his cousin, we worked in a firework tent together and we had a blast. I had forgotten how much fun he could be. Since then we have started hanging out again and I have been having so much fun. The best thing about our friendship is he ALWAYS knows what I need. If I need a good joke, a hug, a smile; Justin is always the first to know. With one look, somehow he knows if I'm okay or not. I don't know how he does it, but I love that about him. I do know what I will do while he is away. :(
With the news of Justin joining the Army it reminded me of a poem I wrote when my friend Joey was leaving for Iraq. I want to share that with you now:

A Soldier's Call

Our time on earth is precious every moment of every day

whether we create, save, or take each life is special in its own way

Now some of us were born to live a life of bravery

to protect and save each and every day

When terror strikes and tears us down

when trouble is lurking all around

It is they who stand proud and tall

for they have answered a soldier's call

Through combat, misery and woe

a soldier stand alert, ready to go

To protect, to fight

to stand up for what is right

A soldier may be scared, feel alone or afraid

but they never let it show, for true heroes they have been made

Their courage and bravery shine through

when they are protecting both me and you

You could be a stranger, someone they've never thought of at all

but it doesn't matter to them, because they have answered a soldier's call

Protecting, serving, making us proud,

sending our prayers straight up through the clouds

We love them and miss them when they are away

and we wait impatiently for welcoming home day

May their bravery never go unnoticed by Americans, the world and all;

for it is they who had the courage to answer a soldier's call.

Originally I had dedicated this poem to Joey, the 913th troops and all of our other troops, but today I want to add Thomas Fulcher to that list and Justin Hazlewood. May God protect them all!

1st poem to submit

Well I said I would probably put some poems on here and I wasn't lying. This first one is probably one of my most personal ones. I wrote it somewhere between the years of 1996-1998 so that would have made me anywhere from 13-16. The title is My House. It doesn't really ryhme or follow in particular style, but I like it. Its kind of depressing but then again I was at that stage. Thankfully I don't have the same view on myself now as I did back then.

My House

I am a house and an ugly one at that and I live in a bad neighborhood. No one wants to step foot on my property. I get lots of compliments on my door, for it is my house's face. But yet no one will come see it. If only they would walk down my sidewalk and open the door, they would see the inside. The walls are bright and colorful, they shine like the heavens. My house is full of life, but it is so lonely. No one seems to care except for my builders, they are always there. But no one wants to come in. They look at my exterior and are somewhat turned off. They don't understand, all I need is a little work. Then I shall shine as my interior does. My house is as beautiful as the eyes see it, but if they'd only look harder, they would break through my walls and finally see the beauty from within.

Let's get started

So I've never been much of a blogger. I have friends who do it here and there, especially on myspace, but its never really been my thing. Then I started working for Carrie Dublin. She showed me her blog and a few other people's too, so I thought I might try it out. Afterall, I love to write no matter what it is about. My favorite is poetry. I have about 79 poems now. Well a few of them are song lyrics, but whatever. I'll probably post a lot of them just to share. I am proud of some of my poems so letting my friends read them will make me happy! I may even post one today. My poetry books are out in my car so I may just run out there and pick one of my favorites! Well, can't really think of anything else to say right now.